Have you noticed; when a woman has a problem, we look first to her lived experiences, her environment, her economic situation, her family life, work and career, and many more important insights beside. We see a woman struggling, and we look first to the context of her life. And this is the right thing to do. But for men, we seem to just blame them as individuals, and never interrogate why? When men die young we reach for ‘well he probably smoked, or drank too much’. When a man is depressed, we often say ‘he should talk more’. A boy dropping out of school? He should just work harder. We never even consider asking – why do men not take better care of themselves? Why do they not feel comfortable talking? Or why is the boy so disengaged in class? The beginning and end of a man’s suffering is inside of his own head, and only he can solve it through a change of toxic mindset. Whilst the beginning and end of a woman’s suffering is a burden we all share, and as a society must all work to change. Goodness. Even when a woman engages in criminal behaviour we go through this process. Was she defending herself? Was she abused? What did she go through in childhood? Is she dealing with trauma? What life stressors are placed upon her? But if a man is violent – well he’s just a man, a violent and toxic oppressor. He is, after all, the original sin. So comes our ridiculous concepts of ‘toxic masculinity’ and ‘patriarchy’. And so we turn men into the very machines that many claim to advocate against. Failing to grant them the same emotional depth, complexity or vulnerability that we so readily bestow to women. Why? By limiting men’s distress to internalised issues, are we just telling men the problem is simply – in their heads? And is this not just victim blaming? ~ Images by Marcelo Leal, Taylor Flowe, Daniel Spase, Gradient, Road Trip with Raj, and Jacob Owens from Unsplash. Source – A lot of these ideas and words (from the opening slides) are from Richard Reeves' book, Of Boys and Men – which I continue to recommend!

2022-12-17