“Why would I need an Alexa, when I have your dad?” joked my mum, when I’d suggest Christmas gift ideas to her. And whilst it’s certainly true that my dad does make a better cup of tea than any AI assistant, such statements always challenged me to find out more about the interpersonal dynamics between romantic and married couples. “Happy wife, happy life’, summarises it. A common saying that would no doubt be less funny if it were flipped, to become a comment on how the servitude of a woman to her husband, is the key to her own happiness. The idea of course, is that as long as your wife is happy, then everyone in the family will benefit from the residual happiness too. …basically trickle down economics, but in relationships (and no less flawed). Honestly I don’t care who gets up and makes the tea, gets to drive, or wields the tv remote, but beneath it is a bigger question. As whilst we bicker about who holds the reins of hard power in society, which is of course mostly men; isn’t it also important to discuss who holds the power in normal, every day relationships? Who calls the shots at home? Who decides the how’s, what’s, where’s and when’s of day-to-day life? Aren’t these power dynamics relevant too? I don’t want to cause offence, but I don’t think many of us are calling the shots on nation states, buying or selling shares, brokering international trade deals, juggling nuclear arms, or dealing with dicey diplomatic relationships. No. I think you’re probably deciding what to eat for dinner, what to watch on TV, where to set the thermostat, places to go on holiday, or what to do this weekend. And despite whoever is in the White House – these mundane and every day decisions are made more by women, than they are men. So what kinds of power are out there? And who holds it in your life? ~ Source: Pew Survey of couples  Images by Joakim Honkaslo, King Howard, Timur M, Vackground, Kiwi Hug, Julian Gentilezza and Daniel Schwatz.

2023-07-03