Ignoring the full size, shape, or even existence of domestic violence perpetrated by women, does not only hurt men, but women too.
This is because domestic violence is usually bilateral and perpetuated by both partners; so by making women’s perpetration invisible, we are likely doing the same to her victimhood too, and any chance of her getting help.
Whilst the best way of protecting her, is to offer the man in the violent household, who is likely also a victim, a safe space or refuge to escape to as well.
(But we don’t have these spaces for abused men, anywhere – as there are no male refuges.)
This is one of the frustrating realities I’ve noticed since setting up @thetinmen: the issues that affect men and women are not separate, but the same.
We see it elsewhere too – we see it in how father’s inequality in paid parental leave, leads to the gender pay gap, or how fatherlessness early in life, can lead to violence against women in adulthood.
The solution to one, is a solution to another.
So is this the same within domestic abuse, are men’s and women’s experiences of violence interconnected and symbiotic of one another?
Perhaps we can only solve problems by looking at both sides of the equation?
And if we don’t, then are we just hurting everyone?
Sources:
Dutton and Whittaker https://tinyurl.com/2dh69epr
Straus https://tinyurl.com/2ymc3j3s
Domestic Homicides https://tinyurl.com/k5yaayps
Images – nomadic-ambience and ramez-e-nassif from Unsplash
#domesticviolence