Nobody should be forced into being a parent, and nobody should be surprised when those who are, are less than great.
As a society we hear so much about bad dads and absent fathers, with talk of paternal neglect, laziness and abandonment too often becoming another stick with which to hit men with.
But have we even considered that many of these men might not have even wanted to become a dad?
And are trying to make the best of a situation they didn’t even want?
It’s hard to hear.
But be honest with me – if you became a parent when you weren’t ready, or didn’t want to be one, what would you be like?
The reality is that after conception, men don’t get a choice – they follow the wishes of the mother.
And yes, we can all be better at safe sex, myself included – but that doesn’t change the fact that *consenting to sex, is not consenting to parenthood.*
Those words may ring a bell.
And they should.
You’ll find them written on those grainy placards held above the heads of brave 1960s women.
You’ll see them immortalised in legislation or inked on bodies; iconic scripture chizzled into the very bedrock of second wave #feminism itself.
Consenting to sex, is not consenting to parenthood.
Sadly, there’s a reason why crime across America dropped a generation after women won their reproductive rights.
Because empowered women were no longer being forced into raising, and often neglecting, children they didn’t want.
Women who choose parenthood, more often become great mothers.
Whilst children of unwantedness, more often lead to a life of crime.
(This is called the Donohue Levitt Hypotheses)
And so too we may be seeing the same with absent fathers now - uncommitted dads, creating broken homes and unwanted children, leading more often to criminality yet again.
Because ultimately what makes a great parent above all else, is *choice.*
And some of us have it, and some of us don’t.
So can we give it to men?
Read more about paper abortions here – #TTMpaperabortion
Read more about Donohue–Levitt hypothesis here – #TTMDonohueLevitt
Images – from Womanizer Toys from Unsplash
Illustration – Nikita Cherednikov